One Hat Fits All: Tips to Shed Expectations & Be Authentically You
Do you ever feel overwhelmed or exhausted by the multitude of roles you play or the hats you feel you have to wear? Switching from moment to moment, being a coach, leader, mom, spouse, daughter, friend, stepmom, niece, aunt, sister... the list seems endless! What if you could just wear one hat?
For some people, the character or persona they portray at work, in public, or in social situations differs from their true or private character. Perhaps you've witnessed it—a mother who is generous, sweet, and engaging to everyone outside the home but withdrawn and unavailable at home. Or a coworker who is confident, organized, and friendly at work but shy, insecure, and uncomfortable in non-work-related social settings. Even a spouse who is boisterous, loud, and the center of attention in group settings but quiet, reserved, and uninteresting at home.
Recently, I reached out to my spiritual coach, feeling unsettled about the way I was showing up in a particular situation. I realized that while I find it relatively easy to show up as open, loving, listening, and authentic in most interactions during my days, essentially wearing one hat or one persona, in this specific situation, I found myself reverting to old patterns of judgment, blame, and comparison. I didn't like it or understand why.
What did it mean? It meant I needed to introspect, to understand what was triggering me to adopt a different character. For me, it was feelings of guilt and shame about how I had acted in previous years. Instead of showing up with love, I was projecting those unresolved feelings onto others. It was time to address this within myself so that I could consistently show up as the kind, loving, accepting, and compassionate person I strive to be.
I don't know about you, but the idea of just wearing one hat, playing one role, seems a lot less exhausting. That role is simply to BE me and to show up as myself in every interaction.
WAYS TO TAKE ACTION
Reflect on the different roles or characters you play in a day, week, or month.
Identify which one of those roles reflects how you truly want to BE.
Choose a "hat" you want to let go of, and approach the next situation with intention, being aware of your desired character.